With all of the fake news and alternative facts going around, it’s tough to tell what’s what.  After all, even Snopes.com the purported unbiased fact checkers have been called into question lately.  So, where do you go?  Well, if it’s coffee-related, we’ve got you covered; but we needed a trusted face to help you remember these coffee myths.  So, without further ado, here are 7 coffee myths with Zach Galifianakis:

1) Coffee will sober you up


Nope!  This is probably the most dangerous myth.  Caffeine is an upper and will make you feel more alert, but the debilitating effects of alcohol are still present.  Your blood alcohol level is not affected by caffeine, so not only does your ability to get a DUI still remain, and we’ve spoken about it before on our Facebook page.

2) Coffee dehydrates you


Mostly untrue.  This one is a confusing mix bag, because it is a fact that caffeine is technically a diuretic, but the water contained in coffee counterbalances the dehydrating effect caused by its caffeine, as has been proofed out in studies.

3) Caffeine enhances memory


This one, believe it or not is true.  All the more reason to switch away from that decaf.

4) Decaffeinated coffee doesn’t have caffeine


False!  Speaking of decaf, you should know that decaf coffee has about 1%-13% of the total caffeination of a regular coffee (depending on the decaffeinated vs caffeinated options you’re comparing), but still has caffeine.

5) Coffee stunts your growth


Nope.  This is an old wives tale passed through the generations by family members trying to figure out a silly reason to not share their coffee with their kids.

6) It’s okay for kids to drink coffee


Mixed.  You might think that if #5 was a lie that therefore #6 must be true, but that isn’t correct either.  Although growth isn’t affected, deep sleep in adolescents has been shown to be affected in early lab tests, and deep sleep in adolescents has been linked to brain development.  Although it seems like there’s a potential link there, the science just isn’t solid enough to definitively give kids and teens the thumbs up for caffeine just yet.  Remember though parents: this includes sodas and energy drinks, not just coffee.

7) Coffee causes insomnia


Depends.  When did you drink the coffee, and how much did you drink?  If you had a couple cups of coffee within 6 hours of going to sleep, for instance, studies show that’s bad.  Caffeine has a half life of about 5 hours (meaning half of the caffeine you consumed, regardless of the amount, is gone in 5 hours), so how much are you drinking?  This is a large reason why moderate coffee consumption is routinely pushed, and why those drinking 8+ cups per day might feel off (10 hours later, after all, you still have the equivalent of 2 cups of coffee in your system).